New House of Heroes Project Suburba Highly recommended

Sad Does Not Live Here

Sometimes sad just creeps up on you. You know it won't stay, and you know it does not have a permanent home with you. A short dose can be good at times because it seems to ripe away all the walls we put up to make it thru the days, weeks and months. 

I have been single for 8 years or so. God has taken me on some interesting journeys, some not wanting to take, but all were for the good in the end. 

I am comfortable in my skin most days, thought I would be remarried by now, have a new family along with my kids. It has not been that way, seems God has a reason for it, I don't have to understand it, just trust. I honestly thought I had found the person I was going to marry, I guess it does need to be mutual, seems to work better that way. Oh well.

It is fantastic to have great friends, and to hope that you are a good friend to them too. This life is not always a 9 to 5 life, it seems to be like a river heading for the ocean. It takes turns here and there, still making it's way to it destination, just a different route some days. 

While I may never be "money rich", that is OK,  I understand more and more that no one really owns anything , but we need to honor our obligations, be consistent in giving, don't judge those who have less than, or who have more either.

Sometimes it's easy to be too direct; well, maybe it's the delivery, other times easy to be too foggy. The let your yes be a yes and your no be a no seems to take a back seat some days for "let's just make em happy for the moment" dumb idea.

At times it seems you have to walk away for the one's you love, have the trust to allow them to fail, or succeed, in their own timing. The balance between influence and control can be a fine line. Trust, like hope, demands going beyond ones self and seeing outside the box of "me". 

At the end of the day you know if you have given your best, not just the easy answers. That can make for a good nights sleep, and lets sad know it does not have a permanent home with you. :) 

What Love is Made of

I spent the weekend with my two youngest, Walker and Emily. Walker was sick part of the weekend, so I spent some extra time with Emily.

Something hit me that I already have known, the love we all want, unconditional, no questions asked, forgiving and the past hurts forgotten, is what Christ reminded us of in the New Testament, a child's love. Trust unbroken, eyes that say they love you and want to be with you. The words daddy come hear and play. Happiness to be with you. It's the grownup love I believe that we all want, but so many times forget that we should give the same, pure and innocent, slow to anger and quick to forgive.

To the best of my knowledge there is no age restriction on unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness. This hurried pace many of us keep can seemly past by lifes moments that bury themself deep within us. Simply waiting on someone, listening more than speaking, pausing before you talk, understanding much of the anger that we encounter in this world comes from hurts deeper than the words spoken. Letting go of the need to win, to be right, to get the last word in. It seems a simple life holds more than meets the eye. Contentment with what we have, grateful for things more valuable than money can buy.

Google just put up a ton of photos from Life Magazine dating from the 1860's to the 1970's. Cool stuff. http://ping.fm/jaZrm

Questions To God

I have some questions for God. This life I have, the holes in it,, the fear of failing. so many loose ends in life. To trust God, To be grateful for the changes in life, How i have come to understand this life is not about me. The need to do more and speak less. Honesty is scary at times, knowing when to share and when not to. To be a provider, to keep ones word, to trust and not put faith in what can not honor God. The courage to not have expectations of what is not one's to have. To be wanted, to be needed, to give grace as God has given grace. Not to expect wholeness to come from anyone but God. Innocents hides at times. Jealously is not of God. Not knowing what is had to given. God can place in life whom you need. Maybe He has and we just don't get it. Life is change with the constant of principals. I promise to keep my word, with action and honor.

Lifes little battles

There does not seem to be a day that goes by that I don't fight Life's little battles. It seems I end up with a fight inside and kill the tiny angels around me with my pride. Those I cherish the most I seem to chase away with this need to be loved. To be needed, to be accepted, to love those around me as I want to be loved. To be real when no one is around. This is what love is. Some people are harder to love than others, some ask you to dig deeper. The trust you long for you can break with careless words. The home you want leaves you with an empty closet.